some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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