we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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