Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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