"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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