i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
