My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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