SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
