I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize