just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
