drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
