Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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