I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You are the jesus of drinking
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
