threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize