Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
