Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
