where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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