That's intense
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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