My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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