Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
