i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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