Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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