Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
