Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
