I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
