oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
