found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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