Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
