I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize