You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
