btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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