Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
