she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize