I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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