also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just high enough for therapy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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