and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
