I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
