after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
