Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
