oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
