I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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