11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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