Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
