1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
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What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
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You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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