Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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