I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
