I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
