During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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