Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
