i already hear my dad disowning me
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
