a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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