Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
thus making me awesome and them whores
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
