It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
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And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
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I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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