and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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