office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
