Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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