I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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