He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
