May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
