He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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