My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
