Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
