and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
