It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
