1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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