I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
