Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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