living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
